Culture shock: the stages and when to get help

Short answer: culture shock is the stress of living in a culture where the rules you grew up with no longer work. It usually moves through a honeymoon, a frustration phase, adjustment and adaptation, though rarely in a straight line. It is normal. It is worth getting help when low mood, anxiety or poor sleep last for weeks or start to affect work and relationships.

What culture shock is

The term was popularised by the anthropologist Kalervo Oberg in 1960. It describes the disorientation of losing the familiar signs that tell you how things work: how people greet each other, how direct they are, how long things take, what is polite. Each one is small. Together, day after day, they wear you down.

It happens even when the move was your choice, and even when you speak the language.

The four stages

1. Honeymoon. Everything is new and exciting. Differences feel charming.
2. Frustration. The novelty fades. Bureaucracy, language, food and social codes become irritating. Many people feel tired, homesick, angry or tearful, and idealise home.
3. Adjustment. You build routines, understand the logic behind the differences, and start to feel competent.
4. Adaptation. You feel at home in both cultures, or at least comfortable in the new one, without giving up the old.

Real life is less tidy. Many people go back and forth, and a second wave often comes after the first year or after a visit home. Coming back home can also bring a "reverse culture shock".

Common signs

• Constant tiredness, even without doing much
• Irritability with the locals, or with yourself
• Withdrawing: spending more time online with home, less outside
• Sleep problems, headaches, changes in appetite
• Feeling you have lost your personality in the new language

What helps

• Routine. Fixed times for sleep, exercise and meals give your brain fewer decisions.
• One or two anchors. A weekly class, team or volunteer group builds relationships through repetition.
• Curiosity over judgement. Ask "why might they do it this way?" before "this is wrong".
• Contact with home, but not only home. It supports you; it should not replace the life you are building.
• Patience. Adjustment is measured in months, not weeks.

When to get help

Talk to a professional if, for several weeks, you feel low most days, lose interest in things, sleep badly, feel anxious most of the time, or struggle to work or study. Culture shock can turn into depression or an anxiety disorder, especially without support nearby. See also loneliness after moving abroad.

Therapy in your own language, or in a shared one like English, makes it easier to say what you really feel. Therapy in English, online across Europe.

Sources

• Oberg, K. (1960). Cultural shock: adjustment to new cultural environments. Practical Anthropology, 7, 177–182.